she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
