i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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