You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
