her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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