I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he shaved USA in his pubs
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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