I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
