Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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