I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize