alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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