so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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