i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
