Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
