Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
