he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize