fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
