that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
