Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
