It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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