Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize