Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize