i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
