I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
