I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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