Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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