remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
