It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
