Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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