your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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