Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize