That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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