Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
