Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
