my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
