Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
