so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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