My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
