yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
