he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
