So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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