Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
