I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
