yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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