at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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