Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he puts the penis in happiness.
This house was built for laser tag.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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