I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
