playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
