my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
