What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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