All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
