I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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