Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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