So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
