omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
