he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have aggressive nipples.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
