Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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