I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just had sex on a roof
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
