went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
