Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I will die if light touches me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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