My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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