I wannas sexs uuuuu
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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