Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Can I color on your dick again?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
