May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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