grandma shit on top of the toilet
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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