i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
