Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
