dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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