Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
