i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
