I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
